A Pehar Sar/Jafri family historical account available online says that Abdullah Qalandar Shirazi and his brother Fathullah Shirazi were descendants of Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq and were scholars associated with the army of Mahmud of Ghazni who conducted several campaigns in the Indian subcontinent beginning around 1000–1001 CE. Historical sources record campaigns in the Punjab and Multan in the early 11th century. 

Mahmud Ghaznavi's soldiers under Abdullah Qalandar are said to have conquered a village in eastern Rajasthan. The traditional account connects the name Peharsar with a battle lasting one pehar, approximately three hours. Hence the name of the village eventually becoming Peharsar. Pleased with Abdullah’s valor, Ghaznavi gave Peharsar to Abdullah and his brother, who then invited other families descending from Jafar al-Sadiq (known as Jafri) to settle in Peharsar.

In 1921, Baba Jafri and Allama Muhammad Iqbal held a series of meetings with the distinguished Iranian religious scholar Allama Abdul Karim Najafi Zanjani at the residence of Nawab Muhammad Ali Qazilbash on Empress Road, Lahore. These meetings attracted considerable attention and were widely discussed among the Muslim intellectual and religious circles of the time.

Baba and Amma Jaan (Paternal grandparents) had in all, twelve sons and daughters. One soul returned from half way. By the time I was born only six were alive, four sons and two daughters. Baba would say that he and his wife had negotiated a semi partnership with GOD by surrendering half their children to His will. Seven years before 1 was born, the youngest, Husain Chacha marhoom? died at the age of fourteen. Safi Lukhnavi wrote the marsia which is engraved on his tombstone.

Among the surviving sons Abba, Musa Chacha Jaan and Mohammad Chacha Jaan were successive siblings. Their friendship was deep, their differences of opinion equally intense. After an interval two sisters Sakina (Bari Phuphi) and Fatima (Choti Phuphi) were born followed by the fourth brother, Jafar Chacha Jaan. The three older and the three younger siblings formed two distinct groups in the household. The older group was frequently out of the house, whereas the younger group spent most of its time indoors. Temperamentally each was unique. Abba was not a poet but had a poet's keen sensibilities. His temperament was akin to Ghalib's; Musa Chacha Jaan was a soldier both by profession and by temper; he was not subtle in expressing his feelings and did not shy from taking actjon. Mohammad Chacha Jaan was the quintessential poet (he became one of Urdu's greatest poets of humour and satire).

Our paternal grandmother was good looking and simple by nature. She was never harsh with her daughters or daughters-in-law. Her manner and attitude was emphatically different from the typical women of those times. In comparison, Baba, my paternal grandfather, and Amma, my maternal grandmother were dignified and intelligent. Though with rather ordinary looks their towering personalities had a positive influence on people. Amma had never been to school but she was definitely very worldly-wise, prudent, meticulous and courageous. She knew how to negotiate through difficult times with remarkable leadership qualities. In spite of being known to speak her mind she knew how to respect others and command respect. In comparison, Baba had acquired the best education available in his day.

When our generation was growing up, the family had begun to meet an important measure of enlightenment at a time when social conditions were different still; daughters began to be encouraged to think and voice their thoughts. Their views were taken seriously. In no way were they given the impression that brothers were naturally 'superior' because they were male. Sons and daughters were expected not to cross boundaries of behavior set down by our religion, which they accepted unquestioningly. Daughters were not married off by parental diktat. As a result daughters were content with their lives and never felt the need to use marriage as an escape from home. This approach towards daughters arose from their fathers and brothers who - and not mothers or sisters-in-law consequently became role models.

Needless to say, the relationship between boys and girls included the aspect of sisters being teased and joked with, sometimes to the point of hurt. In our generation the need for better communication between fathers and daughters and brothers and sisters had arisen, but it wasn't completely acknowledged. This communication has improved significantly in the younger generations. Despite that, to this day, girls mostly have a difference of opinion with their fathers and brothers, not so much with their mothers.

In Abba's generation, the marriage of his sisters was approached somewhat differently. Their brothers and father (Baba) made the decision on the choice of a husband. My aunts wished to have a say in the decision. Our religion granted them the right to do so. But the very notion of voicing their opinions, on the demerits of a proposal especially, drew considerable displeasure from their peers and elders. I wonder why Baba and his sons did not include them in this process as was their right. Had the final decision been left to them, obtaining their acceptance might have been easier. They could have agreed right away. Instead they resisted perhaps a little more than merited because they felt that this approach usurped their rights, At the end the unilateral decision by the males of the family was accepted. I do not know what effect it had on the marriages eventually.

On our paternal side emphasis was on seeking knowledge and being well-spoken. My maternal family members were storytellers employing flowery language. Eating well, dressing up and conversing well were the priorities. I quote one example of how they made a point. At the dining table one day the comment was, "The salt in the daal crackles"; They loved flavour, good taste and laid great emphasis on how something was presented. My paternal side took a more practical approach. A dish for instance would be passed on with "Try it. It is nutritious and purifies the blood"

Our maternal family's social skills were superior but paternal family was considerably more influential. Both were equally steeped in the spirit of humanitarian service (which, frankly, this account of their personal relations does not dwell on as it requires a narrative apart).

Our paternal family's relationships with friends would eventually encompass their families and gradually some of their friends' families as well. This grew out of the open and somewhat unconventional approach established by Baba's parents three generations before me. Friends held very high importance in their lives. They knew how to nurture those relationships they felt warmly towards. These relationshipscarried on over successive generations. My maternal family was not entirely dissimilar but had better-defined rules about establishing and maintaining relationships with relatives and friends. The women in the family played a greater role in nurturing these relationships and passing them on to the next generation to whom the sensitivity of managing these sometimes delicate contacts was emphasized greatly. I remember observing my maternal grandmother's social skills with awe.

It surprises me that my paternal family, with its traits of intense, complex temperaments, inner conflicts and the occasional resultant problem, was blessed with a wide social circle. But of the people who came into contact with them a fair number must have seen through to the undilutedly affectionate, selfless core. I shudder to think sometimes what the result would be if that core had not held sway whenever the other aspects threatened the bounds of control. Most of my generation for one, has inherited such personalities.

Parents Friends & the Family Atmosphere

The reality at the time was that the education of a lot of boys and girls was disrupted due to the partition of India.

People were mostly concerned with finishing a course of studies in Urdu, Persian or Arabic and to pass the compulsory English language examination that went with it to acquire a certificate from the education board or the university. Before I went to school I used to listen avidly to Abba when he taught students at home as a hobby (teaching is probably in our genes), and I would listen.

Ammi was then honorary Librarian of the Ladies Club, Gujranwala. During the monsoon, rains damaged the Club building which had to be vacated for repairs. All the books were shifted to our house for a few months. I was ecstatic.

Ammi and Abba were the oldest children in their families. Ammi's siblings were twelve, fifteen and seventeen years younger. In comparison the interval between Abba and his siblings was around two to three years each. At the time of their marriage Abba was thirty nine and Ammi was nineteen. I took my time coming to this world.

The biggest contribution parents make to their child is to give him or her a positive image of GOD, the Creator and Provider. Abba, in particular, never complained to GOD about any adversity. He would say that we do not fear GOD who is ever-loving, we fear our own misdeeds. May GOD protect Ammi, she always says that His blessings are bountiful just as our sins are limitless; He has rewarded us with more than our due.

Our Elders' Thought

An important priority of our family has been its children, and concern for their needs and future. I discovered some old letters written by our elders dealing mostly with the needs, attributes and problems of four or five generations of our children. (Some letters also draw attention to the needs of elders and the education of young mothers). One was written by Baba to Amma Jaan, one from Abba to Baba, one from Abba to Baray Phoopha Jaan, one from Abba to me and one from Abba to his then-newly-born grandson Sajjad. These letters also provide an insight into the temperaments of, and relationship between, these people. Despite the concern for protocol these relationships seem quite relaxed from their tone and tenor. Jafar Chacha’s letter is being re-produced as an illustration of this protocol. Yusuf Bhai believes that the concerns mentioned in Abba’s letter to Phoopha Jaan still exist. However, instead of solving them collectively we now tend to exercise undue reticence about them. I found admirable the trust between Baba, Abba and Phuppa Jaan and their way of approaching these issues.

What Does Our Younger Generation Think!

Our girls have slightly complex relationships with their parents. While they do love their mothers they do not aspire to be like them. One possible cause is the tenor and approach their fathers take. Sometimes their brothers and they themselves comment on mothers the way their fathers do! Their criticism can border on the demeaning and the insensitive. Yet girls in our family do not forgive their fathers for being stern with their mothers. They are not prepared to accept for themselves the position given to their mothers in the family. As I have mentioned, girls consider their fathers their role models.

Apparently, despite having scattered into small units our family still has a strong clannish bias. Two of my nieces, when I asked them about the blanket of security clannishness provides, replied spontaneously, “It is very stifling.” Then I remembered that to me it now seems a protective umbrella; when I was their age it suffocated me too. True, it is a protective and a benevolent system but it also usurps discretion and authority from one and gives it to another. It is possible that on the face of it we might feel we can also survive without this system which does not believe in giving anyone, particularly girls, unfettered freedom. Those who rebel against it can find life becoming difficult. For, how can saplings survive if the pond that sustains them becomes contaminated in their eyes.

Our next generation is better-educated. Like us they too have their ‘mafia’! They care for and keep in touch with one another. The Internet has bridged geographical distances between them. My colleague Uzma thinks our closeness is because of fewer marriages outside the extended community. By this she probably means marriages into families with different cultures and values. Although now such marriages are on the rise, what happens remains to be seen. GOD willing it will be positive.

Our younger generation complains to us about what they call our double standards. They think that in most matters of religion there is equal retribution for males and females. Why then are men and boys allowed to indulge in certain things that are strictly out of bound for girls. For instance, drinking is as undesirable for grown ups as it is for the younger lot and as bad for boys as it is for girls. Likewise, if it is harmful for girls to date boys then why are boys and men given free rein to date. Also, why are we given flimsy and false explanations? I believe this denial by the older generation is raising a wall of mistrust between them and the new generation who believes we are deceiving them.